HOW DO I KINTSUGI MY BROKEN HEART?
WEEK 15/2025
Have you ever truly experienced heartbreak? I think most of us have. You feel like your world collapses, your heart breaking in a thousand little pieces and no one is able to fix that, no medicine, no instant cure.
When I think back on my heartbreaks of the past, only one really comes to mind. Quite recent if i'm honest. Let me take you back: I met this bloke at work when I wasn't particularly happy. I was depressed, on antidepressants and weekly therapy was up and running. He just sat there, in the briefing room, on his own, before our flight. Normally I'm the first one there, but this time it was him. He looked up, our eyes locked. Even though I couldn't see his smile because he was wearing a facemask (covid times), my blood rushed through my veins, my face turned red but luckily he couldn't see it because I was also wearing a facemask. Fast forward 2 years, we rented a house together, shared friends and were preparing for Christmas. My depression had worn off with a decent amount of antidepressants and well needed therapy. For the first time in years I was actually happy. We started to build our own little perfect world and I was looking forward to what life had in store for us.
Little did I know my life was about to implode, simply because he’d gotten close with another colleague. A little too close for my liking. I can hear you think; classic cabin crew story right!? Well, not for me. I saw a future for us, and I thought he did too. We even discussed the options of having a baby together, something to figure out after Christmas. Funnily enough I always told him: If you shag someone else, just tell me, be honest about it and we will figure things out. I believe that if you’ll like someone else at some point in your life, and maybe even share a kiss, it won't be the end of the world as long as you tell me about it. I’m not a jealous person, you see. What I didn't know was that he was already doing the very thing. Funny, huh?I gave him a chance to come clean whilst I didn't even know he had something to come clean about..
Well our fairytale turned into a spooky nightmare at my cousin's wedding, with my entire family present. Great timing…
I was so in love with this man that it immediately triggered my doormat behavior. Doormat behaviour you're asking? When you let somebody walk all over you, cross your boundaries and let them do it over and over again just so you can try and keep them close to you. Does this start to sound a little familiar? Because I am sure we all have done it at some point. Letting others cross your boundaries is giving away little pieces of yourself, like when you have a house but giving ITaway brick by brick. The bricks that keep your house strong and upright. When you give away enough bricks the house will collapse leaving a massive pile of shit. Sometimes this happens without knowing and you find yourself in a pile of debris that was once that strong and mighty house. Then comes the hard part, rebuilding your house. It takes a long time, for some very long, for some a little bit shorter but it's a long and painful process where you really get to know yourself.
So here is my advice, do not let anyone, ever, cross your boundaries.
Defend them like a lion defends its pride. There is nothing more important than your own happiness. Keep your house up and standing. It might get damaged by a storm, fix and improve it. This is a lesson I had to learn the hard way. But now, more than a year later I actually came out stronger.
I have built my house back up, using the Japanese method of kintsugi. The cracks are still visible but painted with gold. It is something that made me grow as a human and now I look back on it, I'm not hurt, I'm not upset. My house looks more beautiful than ever and ready to receive its next guest. But don't forget, it is your house, they play by your rules.
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